First, Stay. Then:

***First, Stay. Then:*** (#StorytellingSalemStory #999,994 out of 1mil:)

🎶So I’ve been travelling across the country—
town to town/city to city/State to State;
sitting down in random locations—
across this Nation— with a whiteboard in my haaand;
I’ve been asking pplllll:
“What’s Yor Story?”🎶

But this time, I wasn’t Stateside.
I was in Gwangju, South Korea, near the old university. The square was wide and open, filled with students sitting cross-legged on benches, slurping noodles from plastic bowls. Pigeons strutted like they owned the place. The sun was falling behind a tall apartment block like it was clocking out for the day.

A man in his late thirties, denim jacket too tight around the arms, a silver ring on his pinky, and taped hands like his knuckles were bloodied; leaned over to read my board. Then sat down on the low wall beside me with a quick ponder of where to begin.

His Korean accent was heavy- until he found his flow. His r’s hit light, and his vowels had that rounded hum. His English was fast-fierce-and confident—but each word still had a trace of Seoul-dust-left-in-it.

⸻

“Ahh you wan’ hear story?

Okay okay.

So. High school, I am not… ehh, how you say… not smart boy, yah?
But I like to fight. Not in bad way. I do taekwondo, boxing, all this:

(*He leaped off the wall and started fighting the air- rapidly- while combining different styles into one*)

One day, I go to match.

(*He sits back down next to me*)

Big one. First time on stage. Lights, noise, my hands shake.

Other guy?

(*He leaps off his seat again and poses tall*)

Tall. Look like tree with big roots.

(*He cowers*)

I think, ‘Aish… maybe I go home now.’

But my coach—he say, ‘Don’ win. Just stay.’
I say, ‘What? What mean stay?’

(*He fixes his posture- to now- also stand tall*)

He say, ‘Don’ run. Don’ fall. Stay in ring. You win just by stayin’ there.’

So I go.

(*He puts up his fists -like a boxer- and imitates his story:*)

First round, I get hit: BANG! Second round, I fall once: BOOOM!
But I get up. I breathe. I stay- I stay- I stay!

In end? I lose by points. But coach hug me like I win.

Two weeks later? I get into ring again. Coach tell me:
“Now,: dodge-dodge-PUNCH!”

New opponent: this one big, like Jeep.
I run around- punch-punch-punch- dodge- punch-punch-punch;
get punched; I fall. I get up- I fall. I get up; I fight! I punch-punch-punch- dodge-dodge- punch-punch- get punched; fall! I get up! I fall! I get up- punch-punch-punch- and it’s over. I lose by points; and coach congratulates me again and says:
“YOU DID IT!
YOU LIIIIIIIIIVED!
YOU LIIIIIIIIIIIVED!
YOU GOT HIT- FELL- GOT UP- AND FOUGHT OOOOONNNN!!!!!
YOU SURVIIIIIIVED! YOU SURVIIIIIIIIVED!”

Fighting in ring- no longer become about winning. It become about fighting/dodging/punching-punching-punching/dodging/fighting. Releasing adrenaline- and throwing bricks. Getting hit- and getting back up again. Getting hit- falling down- and getting back up again like an animal who didn’t hear no bell- ring. Growling-Roaring-Fight/Fight/Fight/Fight/Fight/Fight!

It was mindset. It was mindset of what to do when you get hit. Its mindset of what to do when in ring. You stay. You Fight. You stay. You throw swings. You Stay. You Growl. You Fight. You ROAR! YOU GET HIT!? YOU HIT THEM BACK! Not just once- but a 100-plus-times! YOU FALL!? GET UP! You scared? DO IT SCARED! THROW FIRST PUNCH! THROW HUNDRETH PUNCH! THROW BOTH AT SAME TIME!! My coach always say:
“Fear is mental. Danger is real. There is difference. Fear is internal. Danger is external. One must conquer one’s fear of the arena, of getting hit, of getting hurt. One must realize, that they are, the danger- when it comes to entering the arena. One must realize, that they are dangerous; when they don’t stay down. One must realize, that they are dangerous; when they don’t stay down. When they keep getting back up, with fire in their eyes, to continue the fight; and then continue the fight. That animal. That is us. That is our danger. The animal that just keeps getting up; each time it got hit; each time it fell down; bloodied/tired/angry/missing-a-tooth-and-still-smiling. For it’s ready- to kick your a** for another round! THAT IS THE DANGEROUS ANIMAL THAT YOU ARE!! NOW FIGHT!!!”

I loved my coach. He was missing a screw or two, & his nose was never straight; but in a fight; I always wanted him in my corner.
He wanted the fight, the arena, to be my teacher.
And he wanted a way to ease his students into it.
He had a way to remind me who I was.
“I’m the animal that gets back up.”
I’m the animal that gets into the ring and stays there. I’m the animal that my opponent sees, get back up, when I fall, in the ring; and fights on till that bell- rings.
I’m the animal that throws the first punch. The second punch. The third punch. The one that turns the corner when you thought I was done; and throws you another ONE!

I’m the animal that fights.

I’m the animal that stays.

I’m the animal that gets in the ring;
stays;
and fights till the last bell- rings my name.

I’m the animal that fights.

I’m the animal that stays.

I’m the animal that gets up- when I get knocked down;
just to raise my fists for another- rouunndd- againnn.

I’m the animal that fights.
That throws the first 100+ punches at once!

The animal that stays.
That confronts & conquers —fear— even/especially- when my body: SHAKES!

The animal that smiles when I get punched in the face;
CAUSE I KNOW I CAN SURVIVE- WHAT YOU’LL THROW- ALL DAY!!!

“I’m the danger my opponent sees,
when they get into the arena- with meeeeee.”

I’m the animal that FIGHTS!
THAT STAYS!
THE ZOMBIE THAT REJUVINATES!

I’M THE ANIMAL THAT FALLS-GETS BACK UP- &
DODGES-DODGES-N FIGHTS -AGAIN & AGAAIIINN!!!

I never went pro.
Parents wanted me to keep to my education.
Taught me fighting to help protect me;
but I fell in love with the adrenaline.
The rush.
The transition of what happens, to the self- when the self- enters the arena; and knows they won’t be coming out for another 12 rounds again.

I became one of my coach’s assistants, and would be the fighter our new trainees would practice on. Cause I knew how to handle getting punched- and knew how to exploit a trainees’ weak spots.

My education led me to a wonderful life being a dentist. My patients always ask me about the blood on my knuckles. I tell them: “It’s my trophy for winning.”

But my true joy is teaching kids how to punch.
But more than punch—I teach them how to stay in the arena. Even when scared. Especially when scared.
Even when they wanna cry. You stay.
You stay & you FIGHT!
You stay & you FIGHT!!
You stay in the arena and you FIGHT!!!
You fall?
GET UP!
FIGHT!
FIGHT!!
FIGHT!!!

You fall down again?
YOU GET UP AGAIN!
That’s your danger!
The animal that KEEPS GETTING BACK UP AGAIN!

My true joy is teaching both kids and adults, that they are okay, after getting punched in the face by an opponent their size and shape. This is a very important lesson that many adults still have not experienced/learned and may paralyze them from taking action; in moments where getting punched-in-the-face- might occur. Convincing them to get past those first few cries- that happen- from the pain. And just acknowledge that the consensual fight is now over. That the bell has rung. The match is done. That they survived. That they did it. That they got into the arena, stayed & fought until the end; and it ended. Even if they did it while scared & crying the whole way. They did it. That they got hurt but now are STILL standing. That they might still feel the remnants of the pain; but now the healing can begin. That they landed a few punches back and made that other opponent also scared & cry for a bit. That it’s over. That they gained fighting experience and that the fight is now over. That if they WANT to. That now that they know how it begins/middles/& ends. That they can choose to get back in there again. To use that experience they just gained and fight with it again. To promise them that they would see their second/third/fourth fight differently. One where they will use their experience like an extra glove to punch their opponent with. To get back in the arena again for another round. To fight & survive another fight; & gain even more experience. That the person their size, who they fought, was also a beginner too. Looking to gain experience too. Looking to get better at fighting, too.

When you teach kids, and adults, in a structured manner, how to fight. That they can enter a ring. Not get ranked. Fight. Exit. Have the chance to go in again; and get better.
They often times,
Do.

People, often times,
Do,
want to re-enter the arena.
Re-enter the ring.

Our coach had a philosophy: “If he could get someone to enter the ring 10x? Then they’ll enter the ring on their own the next 100x.”

If you’re not going pro?
If you’re not trying to out muscle and out skill your opponent?
Then it’s especially- then- important, to experience getting into a consensual fight with a stranger; in a real ring- with refs & coaches that can stop it; and experience getting punched in the face. & experience punching someone in the face. It teaches you- that your body, evolved, to handle a few hundred of these- from another newbie. It teaches you how to power through the paralyzation that you are being attacked, and teaches you- through practice- how to fall into action and start actively attacking; all while teaching you at the same time, how to fight; another newbie.
And if you get good enough that you can fight almost all newbies with ease? Just by your confidence in the arena? Then you don’t fear the arena anymore. You fear the skilled-professional. And the professional will fear you; because they will think- you- are also- a skilled-professional. If you become good enough at fighting that newbies no longer scare you? That entering the ring with one; comes with ease? Then congrats! You’ve reached a stage where fighting has now become a sport! Where muscles are your armor to pain; and your experience becomes part of your fighting skill! Where if someone landed a good hit on you? You’d appreciate it and quickly learn from it/& how to use it. But if you never want to go pro? Then even more important to get into a fight with a noob-stranger- in a ring. For there’s another side of you- that you only meet- when you’re fighting for your life in the ring.
& you can help this side of you get better- by continuously getting back into that ring. What’s that American saying? “The more you bleed in practice, the less you sweat in war!”
FIGHT!
Learn how to FIGHT!
I teach people how to fight;
with the same love for the arena- that my coach instilled into me.

My coach taught me first how to stay.
Then how to fight.

This was really important.
Because at first,
I thought I had to win.

I thought I had to win;
when I did not even know how to fight.

“First,
Stay.”
Means:
“Don’t Run. Confront.”

Then:
Fight.

And when: fight?
Go all out.
Don’t Stop.
Don’t Stop till bell/ref/coach/Police or Doc- tell you to Stop.

There is something inside of us,
that if given the chance to sharpen our fighting skills in a safe way,
will tell us: “Get back in the arena. This is valuable. Gain more experience.”
Like a teenage lion or a teenage wolf using its fangs & claws with its sister & brother to get better at fighting; we, also, have something within us that will tell us to gain as much experience in fighting; if there is a safe-&-structured-manner to go about it.

If people, have a chance, to enter the arena, fight, safely exit; then be asked if they want to do it again? They will.
They will do it, even if they got hurt. Even if they got punched in the face.
They will do it, because they get to meet someone in that arena. They get to meet who they are, when they watch themselves get back up again & get back up again & get back up again; to continue the fight.
They get to meet the other side of them; the one that chooses fight when their flight or fight reflex clicks in.

People are scared of pain, because pain- hurts.
This fear of pain- paralyzes us- from being in situations where we can experience pain. But when you’re in pain? And are not going to run? And this person is still coming towards you to attack because the bell has not rung? And the coaches & refs have not thrown in the towel/or rang the whistle- because they professionally know you can handle more? There is an opportunity. An opportunity to activate your full adrenaline strength to fight and survive. It shows up very few times in life; but it does often show up- when you’re in the middle of a real fight; “and you’re not gonna run.”
When you allow yourself to fall into that energy and start swinging and defending and fighting with all your might? You get to introduce yourself to another part of yourself..:
You get to meet, your armor.
Your fighting spirit.
You get to meet- the animal that gets back up again & again & again to fight & fight & fight- and you get to realize that it’s not some external being; but it- is- you. And it’s a part of you- that you can awaken & sharpen with experience. Fighting experience. Make its fangs- sharper. Its claws- piercer. This energy shows up when both coaches & refs are not going to throw in the towel- and let both newbies, you & your opponent, just at one another.

My true joy is removing the fear of the fight -in people. The normalizing the reality that your body has a capacity to fight- and then sharpening that capacity- through practice. So it becomes a reliable tool- if ever needed- in action. The fear of a fight, never fully goes away, but it’s important to remember that: ‘danger is real. Fear is paralyzing.’ There is a difference. Getting punched is dangerous. “So defend yourself.”
Fear, paralyzing you, is sometimes even more dangerous than danger. Fear, paralyzing you- to the point; that you never enter the arena (-or worse; letting those who have no fear of the arena- dictate what you should do with your life- from the arena- cause you’re too afraid to get punched/ too afraid of danger to get in the ring and act & fight;) is even MORE dangerous. Because that fear won’t teach you how dangerous YOU ARE, when YOU FIGHT! Fear won’t teach you how dangerous YOU ARE, till you get PAST THE PARALYZATION-OF-FEAR! & START ACTIVATING SOME ADRENALINE!
Fear won’t teach you how dangerous YOU ARE, of what YOU’RE LIKE, when you get BACK UP AGAIN & GET BACK UP AGAIN & GET BACK UP AGAIN- to continue fighting whoever’s in that arena with you; & make them fully regret who they entered the arena with.
Learning that about ourselves. Unlocks for us a new way to perceive ourselves. A new understanding of what our limit is. A limit that could be pushed to grow a higher fear and pain tolerance with. That we are the animal, that gets back up again. That enters the arena by choice. That smiles when they get punched, and throws back an experienced-punch- even harder than the one thrown at them!

It’s so important for people- to learn that they can conquer the pain from the first few fights they’re ever in- in a safe structured manner;
because then if our society ever has someone who wants to dictate through -fear- from the arena? Then there’d be a society of us- not afraid to enter the ring- against them.”

⸻

He stopped following the roar of his sound;
and emoting his body to every word that came out.
There was steam and energy radiating off of him; while he looked my way with a big smile; said “Thanks for listening” & walked away.

🎶& there I sat still- holding my whiteboard; asking ppl:
“What’s Yor Story?”
waiting for the next person to walk my waaaaaay!🎶

(#StorytellingSalemSaturdays #Story #999,994)